Tag Archives: funny

How To Buy Expensive Flank Steak!

1 Jan

Happy New Year!

I hope that you are waking up this morning without a nasty hangover.

I woke up this morning at the butt crack of dawn to put my Ropa Vieja in the crockpot. Just a warning, chopping garlic, bell peppers and onions at 7am does have a tendency to make you want to hurl. Generally unpleasant.

I just had to share my story about this particular batch of Ropa Vieja with you this morning… let me set the scene.

It’s New Year’s Eve, my Husband, Daughter and I were out and about doing some returns and shopping. It started to get a little late and we were hungry, so we popped into Bonefish Grill for some apps and a drink. We still had to go to the grocery store afterwards to get the ingredients for our New Years feast of Ropa Vieja. Ugg.

Well, Whole Foods just so happens to be right next to Bonefish, how convenient, let’s just get our food goodies over there and head on to the house.

I like Whole Foods, you can walk around in that place forever, just scoping out the interesting food products. I like Whole Foods, however, I do not enjoy their prices.

So, my daughter is reading off the ingredients for the dish, when we come to the meat counter. I start gazing at the sea of dead animals laying behind the glass and notice that there is not one piece of flank steak to be had.

When it comes my turn to speak to the meat barista, I say, what cut of meat can I get that is similar to flank steak? He says, “OH”, I got some grass fed flank steak in the back.

What luck, I will take that, I say!

He comes out from the back and packs the meat of for me. I say to my husband, is he even gonna ask me how much flank steak I need??  He comes up, puts the meat on the scale and says, its 1.4 lbs, how’s that?

I respond, that is super great, thanks! He then says, $27.99. I turned immediately to my husband cracking a smile and say, “wha’d he just say”? He said, 27 dollars. I reach out and take my 27 dollar piece of flank steak and slap it in my cart. Luckily, I had a Winter white cosmo at Bonefish or else, it might not have been so comical.

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Needless to say this is the most expensive flank steak I have ever purchased and will probably ever purchase. I will say that it was a beautiful looking cut of meat that looked super fresh.

I paid roughly $100 bucks at the register for the ingredients to this New Years day Ropa Vieja that is currently percolating in my crockpot. I thought flank was an inexpensive cut of meat, apparently, Whole Foods categorizes it differently. It is grass-fed you know. Well then. Hopefully, I can’t taste the grass part when consuming it. I will let you know.

I hope your new year is filled with happiness and lower cost meat products, but if you would like to pay more for your meat, head on over to Whole Foods!

xoxo

-stylishpiggy

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Icky Dessert

5 Jul

July 4th, good times, family and food.

Well, some good food…and some not so good.

Yesterday, I was laying in bed watching the Today show and making a list of food that I wanted to cook up for the day. I wanted something “different”.  Oh good here comes the food segment, wowee… Campfire bread pudding with hot dogs buns! How absolutely festive, just like banana’s fosters but with hot dog buns!

Fast forward to 10 o’clock at night which is the time that we actually got around to dessert. I don’t care if I am eatin’ this at midnight, I’m makin’ it. That may have been the alcohol talkin’ by the way. By this time the fire had long gone out and I decided I was going to make it in the oven, which the recipes says will work just fine.

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 I can’t wait! I can’t wait. I can’t wait!!

I put it in the oven and went in the bedroom to soak up some TV. I say to my husband, don’t let me go to sleep with that stuff in the oven.

30 mins later, I am suddenly awakened by my husband shouting, You got that stuff in the oven!! I jump out of bed and run to oven, smells delish! Lets do this!

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 As I was dishing it out, I noticed that it looked rather INTER-esting. It has a super weird and totally unapplealing  consistency, like syrupy mushy scrambledy eggs mixed with banana and bread lumps that were soft on the bottom and hard as rocks on the top. I think I saw it moving.

 Should we consume this?

 I handed the plate to my husband without prior warning and we both cleaned our plates. The taste was actually pretty good, don’t think about it just eat it.

When I got out of bed to take the plates back to the kitchen, my husband turned to me in all seriousness and said, “I hope this doesn’t kill me”. I say, “Yep, that was just icky”.

I’m happy to say that we made it through unharmed, but the thought of the pudding has scarred me for life.

Next July 4th I will be skipping the bread pudding and substituting plain ‘ole boring and predictably good and normal watermelon.

Hope you had a great 4th!

xoxo

-stylishpiggy

Two Cents Tuesday: Michael Kors Handbags

14 Jan

It was all over, I sat on the floor surrounded by a sea of open boxes and a blanket of torn wrapping paper, admiring my Christmas stash, when my husband suddenly appears around the corner holding a very large gold box, “we forgot one”, he said.

Say what! Get out of town….. the Michael Kors name could plainly be seen, wow-wasn’t expecting that. We just recently got a Michael Kors store at our mall and it was quite the talk of the town.

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I open up the box which contained a felt bag with a very large brown Hamilton bag in it. Impressive and beautiful.

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I am usually not the kind of girl who buys expensive bags, they are a “nice to have, but don’t need” in my book.

After the sticker shock wears off, I get super jazzed about my new bag.

A couple of days after Christmas, I load up the bag and we were off to mall.

The first thing I noticed about the bag was that after the paper was taken out, it was not keeping its nice shape and was dipping down in the middle. Hmmmm…is that supposed to happen?

While at the mall, I was using the shoulder strap, when you use the shoulder strap, the hand straps kinda fold down to the sides which resulted in it constantly poking me in my rib bone. Owee.

Gosh, I am not usually this picky about stuff, but I think when something is pricey, you tend to expect more out of it.

We walked around the mall for about an hour and I finally had to just stop and take this stinkin’ lead weight off my shoulder. I think there might have been an indention. Good lord, this bag is heavy!

Does this thing come with a warning?? I must have missed the fine print.

{ warning: carrying this bag may result in shoulder injury, rib breakage and general discomfort }

Who is this Michael Kors guy anyway, I googled him. He looks nice enough, but he did try to assault me with his purse. Ole Mikee might need to consider throwing in a coupon for free Orthopedic services with purchase from now on out.

I really wanted to love this purse, but sadly with it’s price tag, I just didn’t. The bag is now living back in the Micheals Kors store and waiting for its next victim. Beware~

Hey, it’s just my two cents.

xoxo

-stylishpiggy

The Evolution of Chicken Farming

10 Dec

Chicks, you know the yellow balls of fluffy goodness they sell at the tractor supply each Spring, the ones you can’t possibly resist and must bring home to live with you immediately. Those ones.

Well, 7 of those came to live with me last year, five yellow ones and two browns.  Hey, it wasn’t my idea, tractor supply makes you purchase 6 and the 7th was just an impulse buy.

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Awwww!!!

I brought them home, put them in a tub of shavings with some water and food and a warmer light. I carefully monitored the temperature every 10 minutes and could not sleep for fear that they might need me in the middle of the night.

Before long, they started plumping up, one chicken in particular was growing much larger than his siblings.  “Ah, what a Big Boy you are”, I would say, even though they were supposed to be all girl chicks. I have a weird tendency to call girls, boys.

I cleaned out the shavings religiously, but soon their home was way too smelly for my laundry room and that’s when they decided to live in my garage until they grew all their feathers.

I need an outdoor coop, stat!  I ordered some plans off ebay, took a trip to Lowe’s and before we knew it, we had ourselves a coop.

It was getting warmer now and the chicks had almost all their permanent feathers. Time to live outdoors!

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In the beginning, I pretty much changed out the straw bedding every time a chick laid a turd. The new coop looked so pretty and clean and I wanted to keep it all Martha Stewart. However, I was not aware that chickens poop every 2.5 seconds multiply that by 7=a shitload of nasty, {pardon my language}, but that does accurately describe the situation.

On cold nights, I would go out in the middle of the night and tack blankets to the outside of the coop, so they would stay warm. I couldn’t sleep for fear that something would happen to them. Goodness, being a chicken mother was hard.

So, back to the one chick that was growing much faster than all the others, “big boy”, this chick got so fat, that she could hardly walk by 6 months . After a consult with Google, I realized that my impulse buy was a meat chicken, which are normally slaughtered by 8 weeks, they are bred to get fat on the fly.

Poor, big boy, he never had a chance. He was at the bottom of the pecking order, due to his disabilities. I finally had to separate him, so he didn’t get pecked to death, but eventually he succumbed to his obesity and I found him lying feet up one day. I still cry every time I say his name. I have a thing for underdogs and I really liked that chicken.

RIP “Big Boy”

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I then decided that the chicken coop was on the small side for six chickens and that I would just let them roam free during the day. This made them very happy! I loved seeing them running around the yard, doing their thang. However, their freedom was cut short by the fact that they started to terrorize my shrubs, tear my plant beds to a shreddle and poop everywhere.

Back to coop, fellers.

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After I got tired of replacing the straw bedding everyday, I tried the cat litter approach. I put play sand down and scooped the poop balls out daily with my handy dandy scooper. “Hey, this is working pretty good”. Eventually, the poop mixed in with the sand and became concrete. Now, I’m back to just a dirt floor. I rake it… sometimes.

On a side note, did I mention that its very hard to give a chicken a bath. They don’t like it, not one bit. I eventually accepted the fact that outdoor animals just have to stay dirty.

Lets’s talk about chicken eggs, shall we?

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First Chicken Eggs

When they first laid their eggs, it was very exciting! It is amazing to me that these things just POP right out of their butts. Nature is cool.

At first we ate them and then we didn’t eat them, then we gave them away and then we ate them, then we fed them the eggs to the chickens and now I throw them in my compost pile. This may sound silly, but turns out that I can’t stomach an egg that I have to clean poop off of.

Then, there is the pecking. Chickens are freakin’ mean to one another. The strong will peck the weak until they bleed and pull all the feathers out of each others butts. I tried this stuff called “no peck” which didn’t work, I fed them extra protein, which also didn’t work. I made a homemade concoction of Vicks vapor rub and grape Koolaid and rubbed it on the chickens who were getting pecked, which worked for a couple of seconds.

Koolaid stained chickens are quite unattractive, however, they do look splendid in Christmas hats.

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Now we are just about caught up to the present time of my chicken journey.  I have 4 nappy white chickens with raw butts and 2 mean brown chickens. My once beautiful coop looks like something from the Beverly Hillbillies from all the trial and error updates I have done over the year and I am getting pretty tired of disposing of dookie eggs that I don’t won’t to eat or give away, because I feel like they are unsanitary and I don’t want to kill my neighbors.

Lets face it, I’ve lost my passion for chicken farming and it only took a little over a year to do it.

It was a very cool experience and I learned a lot along the way, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Is there such thing as an indoor chicken that doesn’t poop?? Maybe I should invent that.

There is always the boiling pot, I guess.

xoxo

-stylishpiggy

Eat Slow…Cause That’s All You’re Gittin’!

30 Jul

photo-346It’s Summer and I have been a fast foodin’, cake eatin’, vacation food bingin’, snack eatin’ fool!

Good Grief, I feel ill just thinking about all the greasy MacDonald’s hash browns I have consumed in the last couple of months.

So I got back from a mountain vacation last Monday and decided that I didn’t want to be in constant stomach misery any longer.

I start making out a food list, I get so tired of grocery shopping, are you with me ladies? I’m the kinda person who likes to eat something new and exciting everyday and that makes meal planning a real pain in my butt and diet meal planning is even worse cause you have to try to make the smallest portion size you can or you’ll just go crazy and go back in for THIRDS.

So back to the list, let me see, make it easy….Aha! frozen foods {already pre-portioned} Eureka!

The only problem with frozen foods is that they are generally disgusting, but hey, can’t have it all now can we.

I travel on over to the organic section to see whats cookin’. I grab up some Amy’s, a little Kashi, some Morning Star Bean Burgers.

Done!

Last night was our first eat less dinner night and my husband walks in the door and practically screams “Dinner”!  Apparently, that half a peanut butter sandwich, an apple and a gallon of water he had for lunch wasn’t very filling.

He picks out a frozen dinner, I pick out a frozen dinner, we fight over which one is putting it in the microwave first,  he won by the way,  what happened to ladies first, man. Little does he know, I took his out before the timer went off. Paybacks.

I make a salad and we sit down to eat our little miniature meals.

He finishes his in record time and I turn and say to him, Eat Slow, cause that’s all your gittin’!

Small portions might be similar to a death sentence, I’m not sure yet. LOL

Am I right, let me know!

xoxo

-stylishpiggy

My Guacamole Bowl has Been Smokin’ Again!

25 May

 This is what happens when you don’t keep a guest ashtray around.

You end up with  smokes in your guac bowl!

Now you don’t have to wonder how my guac gets its superior smokey flavor. (lol)

xoxo

-stylishpiggy

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